I'm feeling dizzy as of this writing and I'm really not sure what to say at this point. I went to the birthday party of my sister's friend; she also invited my brother's friends so it's twice the fun. After the "children's party," as Ego put it, we went to my brother's friend's (Lyko) place to have a videoke and drinking session sponsored by Hansel. My ex's ex (Karen) was there from Fuji's (yes, that's my sister's friend's name) party and she kept asking me about our common ex. I can tell from the way she talked to me and the way she talked about me (with her friends) that she's still very insecure. She was jealous of me when she and my ex were still together; I believe she still is now. And that makes me feel sooo goood about myself... Harhar!

Let me just say that I am close to having a job as a Recruitment Specialist in eTelecare. If everything goes well on Monday and they give me a call to say I'm in, I will be working for usually 12 hours a day, including Saturdays and sometimes even Sundays. All I have to do is call people up and ask them to take an exam, if they pass the phone interview that I will conduct with them. If I do get in, I'll have to brush up on my English, and make it sound natural. Haha.

But then I also have an option in Research. The research company that I applied to more than a month ago finally called me two days ago to say that they'd like to have me over for an interview on Monday. When I first took the call, I was very troubled. But then I found out that I still wasn't a shoo-in in eTelecare so I decided to give the interview a try. Unfortunately, it's at 9 in the morning...

Gosh, I'm so dizzy. Times like this I miss having a guy around, to scold me and tell me that I shouldn't be drinking too much. Mmmm, not really. Hehe. Let me rephrase it: I miss having a guy around. I don't want him to do anything; I just want him to be there. Hey, I think what I need is a pet or a plant. Haha. Pero sabi nga ni Elaine to someone I used to know well, "at least meron kang dahilan para gumising every morning." Shit, I don't have that. Maybe I do, but it's not a guy. Do I want a guy? That's me thinking aloud.

Lahat ng friends ko may problema sa pag-ibig: iniwan, kinalimutan, di pinapansin. Ako, wala ako non. Dahil manhid ako. I don't want to sound too dramatic, pero I really can't feel a thing. Like a man who learns that he's paralyzed after suffering a stroke, somewhere in my heart I know that I am panicking. I pity myself for it. I'd like to think I'm only afraid to feel, to love and hurt someone and get hurt myself. Pero I know that it's more than that. Part of me's already numb, in a sense. And I'm afraid there's no turning back for me. Now I feel I need someone to rescue me and make me feel again. Damn, that sounds stupid, I know. That's why for now, I try to be happy with the "super-kilig" stuff that I can find: the songs, the movies, the stories, my friends who are in love.

They are poor substitutes of the real thing; but for now, they'll do.